By Nikki Buckstead, Child & Family Center President & CEO
Published by The Santa Clarita Valley Signal
Part 3 of 4
“Why doesn’t she just leave?”
It’s a question I hear far too often when conversations turn to domestic violence. Sometimes it’s asked out of genuine concern. Other times, it comes with frustration, disbelief, or even judgment.
But behind that seemingly simple question is a reality that is anything but simple.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and throughout the month, I’ve been sharing a four-part series exploring the realities of domestic violence and its impact on individuals, families, and our community.
In the first article, we explored the connection between domestic violence and homelessness, and how leaving an abusive relationship can mean losing a safe place to call home. The second article focused on what to do when someone you know is experiencing abuse and how to offer meaningful support.
This week, we’re addressing some of the most common myths and misconceptions surrounding domestic violence, including a question survivors hear far too often: “Why don’t they just leave?”
We’ll conclude the series next week with “Beyond the Bruises: Recognizing the Many Forms of Domestic Violence,” exploring the different types of abuse, including emotional, psychological, financial, verbal, sexual and digital abuse. We’ll look at how controlling behaviors can exist without physical violence, how to recognize warning signs, and why understanding coercive control is so important.
Because the more we understand about abuse, the better equipped we are to support survivors and, ultimately, prevent violence in our communities.
Myth No. 1: If the abuse were really that bad, they would just leave.
This is perhaps the most common and damaging misconception about domestic violence.
Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t as simple as packing a suitcase and walking out the door. For many survivors, leaving can be the most dangerous time in the relationship. An abusive partner who senses they are losing control may escalate threats, intimidation, stalking, or physical violence.
Imagine being told that if you leave, your partner will hurt your children, take away your financial resources, or find you wherever you go. Imagine having no access to money, no transportation, and nowhere safe to stay.
Now imagine trying to make that decision while protecting your children, holding down a job, and managing the emotional trauma of years of abuse.
It’s not a lack of courage that keeps someone in an abusive relationship. Often, it’s the very real fear of what could happen if they leave.
Myth No. 2: Domestic violence always involves physical abuse….