By Nikki Buckstead, Child & Family Center President & CEO
Published by The Santa Clarita Valley Signal
Part 2 of 4
“I haven’t told anyone else.”
Imagine hearing those words from a friend, coworker, neighbor, or family member. They tell you their partner frightens them, controls their money, threatens them, or hurts them. You want to help, but you may not know what to say.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, an opportunity to recognize that supporting survivors is something each of us can do. We do not need every answer. We do need to understand how our response can help someone feel heard, supported and less alone.
Start by listening.
When someone shares that they are experiencing abuse, resist the urge to immediately solve the situation. Let them speak at their own pace. They may be afraid, embarrassed, or worried you will judge them. The person causing harm may have repeatedly told them that no one will believe them.
Simple words can make a difference: “I believe you.” “This is not your fault.” “You do not deserve to be treated this way.”
You do not need to question every detail or ask them to prove what happened. Thank them for trusting you. Avoid comments such as, “But your partner seems so nice.” Someone’s public behavior may look very different from what happens behind closed doors.
Replace “Why don’t you leave?” with “How can I support you?”
From the outside, leaving may seem like the obvious answer. For someone experiencing abuse, children, finances, housing, threats, and fear of retaliation may all influence their decisions. They may worry about losing their job, leaving a pet behind, or having nowhere safe to sleep. Leaving can also increase danger…